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[26 Jan 2006|10:42pm] |
im seriously going fuckin crazy i wanna fuckin hang myself off the fucking balcony
THIS WHOLE FUCKING WORLLLD IS POINTLESS
seriously FUCK
everyone is the same
everyone is
self-centered
&
fake
NO MATTER WHERE YOU FUCKING GO YOUR GONNA SEE THAT
FUCKING SHIIIIIT FUCK YOU ALL IM DOOONE
and none of this will EVER get better
because the people who care
are outnumbered by the people who DONT care
therefore they win
theres noooo fucking point of even trying to change them
seriously why the fuck try
god damnit
im going to take nightschool because i cant stand seeing everyone everyday
it just brings me down more
seeing friends like AMY or KATIE or MELISSA or SYDNEY or ANYONE FOR THAT MATTER
its all just FAKE
i dont feel like i have a real relationship with ANYONE
im tired of acting like i care about EVERYONE
CUZ I DONT GIVE A SHIT
go fuckin die
my mom read my whole LJ today too FUCKING GREAT
now i get harassed about being gay for 2 hours
FUCK YOU
IM FUCKING GAY
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU
ITS NOT MY MOTHERFUCKING FAULT GO FUCKIN CHOKE ON A FUCKIN RAZOR YOU FUCKING SLUT
FUCKIN SHIT
FUCIK YOU!
ITS NOOOOOT MYYYY MOOOOTHERFUCKING FAAAUUUUUULLLLLTTTTTTTT
CAN ANYONE FUCKING UNDERSTAND THAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!
GOD FUCKING DAMNIT
I HOPE YOU ALL GET FUCKING RAPED THEN MUTILIATED THEN FUCKIN THROWN OFF A FUCKIN CLIFF
oh and of course more FUCKIN AWESOME aspects of being gay
IM A FUCKIN SEX TOY FOR SOMEONE TO USE WHEN THEY FEEL LIKE FUCKING A GUY
i just get to fucking find that out today WHOOOPY!
but every other day they're fuckin some UGLY ASS WHITE BITCH
am i that ugly to be passed down for some ugly ass fat white bitch!?
fuckin shit fuckin shit fuckin shit
and the fact that they can just talk to me casually about fucking these other chicks and say all the sudden they've had a GIRLFRIEND (whos fucking ugly as well) FUCK YOU YOU FUCKIN PEICE OF SHIT
god damnit before i'd fuckin do ANYTHING for you but nooo i have to be some fuckin toy FUCK YOU IF I KNEW I WAS BEING USED FOR THAT NONE OF THAT FUCKIN SHIT WOULDA EVER HAPPENED BETWEEN US
FUCKIN SHIT
FUCK YOU
if i dont get into night school
im just fuckin dropping out
i dont care
i dont wanna get a NORMAL job and work for FAKE people who own big ass COMPANIES that FUCK over people
fuck fuck you fuck fucklfjklfjlfjslfjslfsdfhsdfsdffjhsdfosuhsd0fsdbjfsdf
i hate my life it needs to fuckin ENDNOW
fuck you
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[20 Jan 2006|08:47pm] |
im gonna write what i really think about everyone RIGHT fucking now.
MOM - your the only person i can always count on no matter what and best friend
AMY - yah you keep on saying you miss me, we never hang anymore, we should hang more, bull shit like that but it never really ever happens and your pretty much the fuckin reason for that so why dont you just give the fuck up, if you fuckin dont wanna hang out then just straight out say it cuz im tired of working at this friendship when your just being a lazy fuck and doing other shit IF YOU DONT WANNA BE FRIENDS THEN JUST SAY IT TO MY FUCKING FACE but remember ive pretty much always been there but that shit doesnt matter in the world today and i'll prolly even be there after we stop being friends which it seems has pretty much already happened.
SYDNEY - i thought you were the coolest person a month ago, but things have changed, it seems your way more distant shit like that, SEEMS LIKE YOUR TURNING INTO AMY, which is chill im used to it by now. i wanna be good friends again, and chill and have fun.
KATIE - i dont know you that well, but your pretty cool from what ive seen. dunno why people hate you, you still have a shady side tho, its like the whole sydney and amy thing, its not a tripod+1 its just a plain fuckin tripod, which i cant accept i guess
JAMIE - why the fuck do i even try, you say you wanna hang out, then shit happens, i should just listen to my instincts and give up. but im seriously soooo into you, your not feminine in fact your quite straight, your fucking beautiful, you listen to all kinds of music, your polite, nice, and do crazy shit like me. thats all i could really ask for. so im not giving up, instead im gonna make myself perfect for you, even if it doesnt work out in the end i wont be left empty handed
KIRSTIE - your one of the people i love alot in fountain hills. we have alot of disagreements sometimes, but i still think your super fuckin rad. way funny too, i always try to be as funny, it doesnt really work out but i try, i idolize your sence of humour. BUT since last month you seem shady as fuck, idk whats going on with you, but ya kno im always here to talk. i want shit to be tight again
JULIA - I miss being actual friends, not just people that talk occasionally. take me to a rave, or something that will make us actually good friends again, cuz your awesome, i wouldnt have ever been your friend before if you werent.
RISA - i think you can be an awesome person sometimes, but you need to fuckin quit being a bitch and realize other people in this world matter other than yourself. LAY OFF THE FUCKIN DRUGS FOR ONCE TOO, seriously you go way overboard, your gonna be the next fuckin cat if this doesnt stop. DOESNT MAKE YOU LOOK ALL THAT COOL EITHER. when you started dating trent your were fuckin happy and that was actually NICE you were a NICE PERSON! idk wtf happened to make you the fuckin bitch you are now, and its pretty sad that you have to be a fuckin asshole to the person that was always nice to you
TRENT - idk what happened to you either, prolly personal issues like everyone else, it seems like you were the happiest person on earth a month ago, not anymore tho
SYLVIA - your fuckin one of my local favz but i doubt were hangin anymore since im not gonna be smokin weed for a while due to my bad behavior on it, so mebe our friendship is gonna die who knows but i can always count on you for good music and laughs
MELISSA - your never a bitch. you've changed alot though. idk if its for better or worse. i just never feel emotion from you anymore. i wanna chill tho, get crunk n hang again, have a closer friendship
MEL - we've been good friends since 8th grade, i love you lots, and when i yell at you about staying away from matt its because I WANT THE BEST FOR YOU AND YOU DONT DESERVE A GUY THATS GONNA BE A DICK TO YOU.
MATT - you have a good heart deep down, but theres still ALOT of shit that your WRONG about. your just too angry. like if you read this right now, you'd most likely IM me screaming WAY TO FUCKIN STAB MY BACK. the thing is all you people dont understand that you make me feel like shit alot too, waaaay more than i do to you. TAKE MY B-DAY FOR INSTANCE, im not trying to wine but you were a fuckin dick that day, PURE FUCKIN DICK, you cant think of anyone but yourself
CHRIS - i think everyones kinda stupid for hating you. you seem like an actual real person. not just a bundle of fake bullshit like the rest of these people/
DAKOTA - im glad we resolved our feud, i love you and your cheery attitude, you have awesome taste and overall just an awesome personality too. things arent as close tho but still your awwesssoooommmeee
STEPH - you are a bit clingy, BUT i think everyone shoulda confronted to your face about their disagreements, cuz i know how it feels to be ignored and talked shit about. im always here, doesnt mean im gonna agree with everything you do, but i'll be here to set you straight and help you out.
CORBIN - dont know you
DENNIS - FIRST OFF, welcome to the real world buddy, PEOPLE OVER HEAR CONVOs THEY SPREAD SHIT AND RUMOURS GET STARTED, that happens to EVERYONE about SERIOUS shit, its happened to me its happened to alot of other people. SECOND i didnt say shit about your bro to ANYONE cept katie and melissa, i heard shit from mel, katie asked me about corbin i said what mel told me, just cuz some loserface tells you they heard it from doesnt exactly mean that.
I FUCKIN HATE FOUNTAIN HILLS AND HEARING PEOPLE MAKE FUN OF ME WHEN I WALK TO CLASS BEHIND ME, AND HAVE TO DEAL WITH SHITTY FRIENDS, AND HAVING TO FUCKIN SUCK UP TO SHITTY FRIENDS THINKING MEBE THEY'LL NOT BE SO SHITTY FOR ONCE, WE ALL ALREADY HAVE PERSONAL SHIT GOING ON IN OUR LIVES LETS NOT ADD ON TO IT
this is the last entry for a while
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[02 Jan 2006|07:43pm] |
so all in all this break sucked
horribly i wanna fuckin hang someone
my birthday was gay i hate my birthday anyways but it ended with me trying to make everyone happy
cuz yah know kian just has to be the happy fuckin person who has NO FUCKIN FEELINGS
yeah well fuck all of you all you can fuckin think of is yourselves
why the fuck did i even hang with the people i did on my birthday i didnt know
if i was to hang out with anyone it shoulda been JUST close friends not people i barely know
ugh whatever at least i had melissa
getting drunk used to be so fun, i'd feel like i was having fun but now it just feels like ive dug myself into some giant mess and blah it just sucks i fuckin hate,
whatever
last nite i got drunk again, but it was shitty cuz i was prolly the only person who was drunk/high off his/her ass, so that leaves everyone lookin at me like im some idiot
and idk whatever it was so much better than my birthday though cuz i was with slightly better people
today i realized kirstie was right
and ive known i need to stop this thing with jamie for a while
but i keep on thinkin its gonna work or something
cuz it COULD be amazing
it all comes down to me being ugly
cuz over this break ive realized it when i look in the mirrors and it sucks
and my face got fuckin uglier when i was tuscon and california with my dads side of the family
speakin of family
ive realized i dislike all my family cept my mom
my dads side of the family sucks
they dont have eachothers backs at all
its like they dont give a shit about one another
which is the exact opposite of my moms side of the fam
and idk i just fuckin hhaate seeing them now
whatever tho
fuck i wanna cry
like seriously i hate how happy everyone seems
i just read other peoples ljs or look at their myspaces
or at their myspace bulletins
it seems like they have no depth in their lives at all
like they're just happy and thats it
idk im being a dumb bitch right now but i feel like shit due to everyone
everyone is gay i seriously dislike so many people that dont know it
and if i talk to them about how i feel they'll just get all pissy and not talk to me anymore and effect me even more negatively
idk whatever i dont wanna get into whats making me feel this way cuz its over my typing ability
but its making me wanna just give up
and i have school tomorrow great
fjfslfjlfsdf
whatever
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[25 Oct 2005|12:24am] |
so cali was gay shit
no cali IS rad shit and everything i could ever want
but when your with your mom who wont shut the fuck up and your little sister who wont stop bitching its too much to handle
whatever
fuck i dont even wanna talk about it tho but it was depressing and yeah
fuck
i need a cig
this week will be good hopefully
friday nite no work
no work THIS WHOLE WEEK in fact
partying for AMYZ b-day/halloween party at katies this saturday
getting more fucked up than i ever have before there this time
and thats alot
then partyin more fo amyz b-day
and then HALLOWEEEN
which idk what im gonna be
fuuuck
and now its time to have my beautiful most beloved cigarette
fuck everyone seriously
YOUR ALL GAY
people on myspace are fuckin DUMBASSES
i fuckin hate them all
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[04 Oct 2005|01:44pm] |
well i got in a big ass fight with my mom ending with a nice "FUCK YOU BYE!"
so now i have to move
to cali with my dad
cuz my mom cant handle me anymore aha
blah
san diego
im kinda excited
but kinda not
this is my big chance to get out of the shithole im in
i should take advantage of it
but im gonna miss alot of people
but yeah
so if anyone wants to hang
tell me cuz i will be here for 2 more weeeks before i go
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[28 Sep 2005|10:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 idkkkk |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the smiths--unhappy birthday |
] |
bleh i want a cig
its been 4 days seriously wtf
bleh bleh bleh
sfjslfjslfjsdfsdf
i said in serious tone i love you to two guys tonite
and ive been doing it for a while
aha who gives a fuck
blah
hormonez
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[10 Aug 2005|04:32pm] |
no more lj for me
im done
im keeping this account
but im never updating it again
cuz im not getting what i want out of it
mainly cuz i dont have cool enough life to put it in a livejournal
GOODBYE
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[29 Jul 2005|12:03am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 dfgdfgdfgdfgdfg |
] |
| [ |
music |
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dffdgdfg |
] |
haha
one 40 = me being really stupid
hasd yeah
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[26 Jul 2005|01:11am] |
FRIENDS ONLY
cuntbag
if you would like to be added
comment with a reason i should add you
unless i know you
thxx
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